Peace, at last

As I walked home, I felt this shift. It was like the world changed under my feet.

I don't know how, but I just let go. Let go of the hurt, the pain, the anger... it all just floated away. I know it's still right there and I'll have to be careful not to reach out and take them again... but to not clutch them to you is such a relief.
I feel like I floated home in some kind of Nirvana.

(no, not the band)

I realised as I walked that not having my phone, not being contactable, made me feel really alone for once in my life. It was this great, freeing feeling. There was no one who could call me and ask where I was, no one who could follow me if I decided not to go home, no one who would know I was avoiding them because I turned my phone off.... just free to do as I pleased.

And so I went home.

That's where I feared most to go. That's where it was waiting - all the hurt and the anger, all the pain. So I went there to face my fear.

And none of it was there to greet me.

It feels amazing to have made the right choice for once.

Now I'm going to do the second scariest thing and check the comments on my last post. I was warned before I came back that they were bad. Let's hope I can keep from clutching those hurtful things back and stay in this calm, peaceful place I've made.

............*reads comment*.........

Oddly, I'm still calm.

For the sake of it I may post a comment back... but that's for there, not here.
The only reaction I actually had to it initially was 'lol - double post...'

I think that all of the things that have been said are such old things now that they just don't affect me anymore. To be fair, the only thing that upset me in this whole affair was that other people were getting involved - and getting hurt.

I suppose it annoyed me that Kaydie got the wrong end of the stick and bit it again... but hey, I'm kinda used to that.

Now, however, I'm going to float off for a bit and try not to be too spaced out. I have a feeling it's caused by this lack of sleep thing. But I did get a 10 min nap at Li's before we went to the hospital, so I'll be fine for a while ^_^

I suppose I want to say sorry.
Sorry to the universe for saying it fucked me in the ass... because really, it's always there for you when you need it.
And sorry to the people who got dragged into this... Aimie, Angie, and especially Libor...

People who I'd LIKE to say sorry to but can't bring myself to are the people actually involved. It's too messed up to be sorry. What's happened has happened and can't unhappen... we'll deal with it.

I'll catch you all later.
Love and blessings to you all


Blessed Be x